Food choices are not just determined by our own hunger but are in fact driven by a complex chain of related factors.

I will discuss the above statement showing that food choices are indeed driven by a complex chain of related factors. The main factors which I will refer to are religious beliefs, household income and also fair trade consumerism.

The first factor which I believe greatly influences food choices is religious beliefs. Almost every religion has some influence on our food choices. In Catholicism we are told that meat should not be eaten on Fridays and on Holy days such as Ash Wednesday and Good Friday meat should not be eaten and one must fast between meals. This has some impact on the way Catholics live their lives and has an influence on the food choices. While Catholicism may have some guidelines they are not too extreme and are not enforced with penalties for breaking the rules.

Islam on the other hand sets out far more rules when it comes to food choices. Unlike Catholicism where specific foods are forbidden on certain days of the year Islam lists several foods which are prohibited at all times.

These include pork, lard, all carnivorous animals and birds of prey, meat coming from an animal that died before slaughter and alcohol is also forbidden at all times.These beliefs are set out is the Qur’an which states that “he makes pure / right / good things lawful to them and forbids them from what is wrong / evil / harmful. Qur’an 7:157” (http://www.faithandfood.com/Islam.php)

Not only are Muslims restricted in what foods they are allowed to eat but also by the fact that they are not permitted to eat in any restaurant that serves the forbidden foods or alcohol.

Muslims are also required to take part in Ramadan. “Ramadan, the ninth month of the Muslim calendar, is a mandatory fasting period that commemorates the period when the Qur’an was first revealed to Prophet Muhammad”.  (http://www.faithandfood.com/Islam.php)

During the period of Ramadan drinking and eating is prohibited from dawn to sunset.Other religions also have forbidden foods. Hindu’s do not eat beef as the cow is seen as a sacred animal in the practice of Hinduism. All other meat and fish are either restricted or avoided. Judaism also prohibits pork and shell fish consumption.

Household income is also a main factor when it comes to food choices.This is seen when it comes to low family incomes. Many families cannot afford to dine out at luxurious restaurants everyday and eat Mark and Spenser’s croissants for breakfast. Low income families survive on what they can afford. This many mean that they will have to settle for the 30cent orange juice from Lidl instead of 3.50euro freshly squeezed juice from a Juice bar. According to the Population Reference Bureau 2005 “More than half the world lives on less than $2 a day”.

In Ireland income greatly influences food choices. The family income will decide where they can afford to shop and where they can afford to eat out. It will be the deciding factor in the quality of the meat you eat and wine you drink.

However in the West we are not so deprived. In Ireland a low family income may mean eating reduced products from Tesco in other countries a low family income may result in not eating at all.

In Tanzania 73% of the country’s population live on less than $2 a day. For them even a euro saver Mc Donald’s burger is out of the question. They will have to spend their money on the best value food they can find and even then many will go hungry for days on end.

In Malawi there is a daily struggle to feed the population of 12 million. One aid worker comments that out of a population of 12 million “3 million people have been recognised as being in dire need of food”. One single mother tells of how she gets upset when her children have no food to eat. “They go to their friend’s house and envy them eating, as an adult I can bear the hunger, the little ones cry”. (What in the World Malawi) For the people of Malawi there is no food choice. It doesn’t matter whether or not they are hungry. The only choice they have it to either eat the little food they can get or die.

Fair trade foods also influence our food choices. While 20 years ago fair trade goods may have been seen as products for the elite now they are becoming more and more accepted. Fair trade tea and coffee can now be found in many cafes and restaurants across the country. Many restaurants and hotels pride themselves for converting to fair trade. Hotel chains like the Marriott hotels now only serve fair trade tea and coffee and many college campuses including UCC now offer the fair trade option.

Fair trade is seen as something good to do. We all feel good about ourselves when we choose fair trade tea over Lyon’s or Barry’s tea. It is like doing our bit for charity. However if you ask many people what the difference is between fair trade goods and other consumer products they probably will not be able to tell you.
The truth is that in countries like Guatemala the locals are highly dependant on fair trade. In 1997 6 fair trade co-ops were set up selling coffee to countries like Ireland, UK and US. 60% of the coffee grown was sold into fair trade. The rest was sold at home in the local villages for a good profit. Up until this the coffee farmers were getting less than 1% of the income made from the coffee. The coyotes used to buy the coffee and pay the farmer what ever they wanted to. The introduction of fair trade coffee has given the people of Guatemala a better quality of life. The Fair Trade group Manos Campesina’s insures that the farmers are paid well. “This group has brought a 40% increase in income”. (What in the World. Guatemala)

By making the choice to buy fair trade coffee we are in turn giving the people who make the coffee the income that they need to be in charge of their own food and lifestyle choice. As on member of the fair trade Manos Campesina’s group said “The fair trade market has suited us better because the price we were getting was very low and fair trade gives us a bit more so we make more money with what they pay us we can educate our children and we can grow other crops with what they pay” (What in the world Guatemala).

I believe that all of the above points have illustrated the fact that food choices are not just determined by our own hunger. For Muslims their religion decides which foods they can and cannot eat, for low income families they have to accept whatever food they can get and for fair trade groups our decision in the West to buy fair trade products feeds the farmers that are producing the coffee.

For this assignment I chose two topics which are related in that they cover the same type of story. I choose my earlier pre 1925 story first. Choosing this one was not as difficult as I thought it would have been I went to the library and after looking through an early copy of the Cork constitution (Jan-March 1922) I came across this story. I found many stories such as rail strikes and murders which I could relate to a recent story. However these stories did not interest me too much. Then I came across the story of the kidnapping of Times Correspondent Mr Kay. This story interested me because in recent years there have been a lot of journalists kidnapped for political reasons and it is for similar reasons that the Times correspondent was kidnapped. Also in wanting to pursue a career in journalism this story was of more interest to me than other stories such as a tailors strike which is a career that doesn’t interest at all. Choosing the more recent story was also quite easy. I was aware of the many kidnaps of journalists that have taken place in recent years, with last years kidnap and murder of Russian Journalist Anna Politkovskaya coming to mind. For this reason I knew it would be easy enough to find a recent story. After a short search I came across the story of Daniele Mastrogiacomo who was kidnapped by the Taliban. Because this only took place in recent weeks I choose this story to compare to my earlier 1922 story.

For the earlier story I choose the kidnap of Times correspondent Mr Kay. I first came across this story while looking at the Cork Constitution for the 6^th January 1922. This first coverage of the story was very good and gave a detailed description of the kidnapping and the events surrounding this incident. The following is taken from this article. “Three men , who were armed with revolvers , entered the room, and one of them asked – “Is Kay here” Mr Kay – replied – “I am Kay” One of the armed men then said to Kay – “do you understand there is  a car outside and you got to come on it?” (Cork Constitution Friday 6^th January 1922). While there was no technology such as television at this time the reporting of this incident was good and the description of the kidnap was good enough to visually imagine the incident taking place.

This story continued to be covered during the following days up until the release of Mr Kay. After his release there was a final short report on his well being and then the coverage of the story disappeared from the papers. The following was taken from the Cork Examiner on the 13^th January 1922. “Dublin, Friday Mr Kay the correspondent of the London Times arrived in Dublin by motorcar at 1.30 today having being released at Cork last night none the worse for his experience.” (Cork Examiner Friday 13^th January 1922). Again this article gives a detailed account of the event.

I believe that considering that this event took place before modern technology such as the internet and television it was very well covered. I found coverage of this incident in The Cork Examiner, The Freeman’s Journal and in The Cork Constitution. Each of these papers provided detailed coverage of the kidnapping. This said I doubt that the event was covered outside of Ireland. Considering it was a London Correspondent it may have been covered in the UK. Unfortunately I don’t have any evidence to prove this. While the event was covered well at the time I think that there would have been more coverage if the event was to take place today. Technology has greatly influenced the media coverage of incidents such as this. Below I have a list and descriptions of many recent developments in media coverage which affect how my recent story is covered and also highlights the difference that the lack of these resources made on the coverage of the earlier 1922 incident.

Now stories are covered on the internet with live updates readily available as they take place. In the case of television there are regular news programmes providing up to date coverage on the event. In the case of RTE/Tv3 there is also Aertel Teletext which provides updates throughout the day so that you don’t have to wait for the news to be broadcasted. Sky news also provides a similar service and also gives video updates through the “Press the red button” feature. Sky news also gives newsflashes and in certain events i.e. The death of the queen/ the death of the pope… Sky news can put a scrolling newsflash across the bottom of the screen which will appear on every sky digital channel and not just the news channel. Of course this feature probably would not be used for the kidnap of a journalist as it would not been considered as important as say the death of the queen but it is an extra service that is available if the need for it to be used arises. News stations also have news reporters who they can send to the desired country so that they can provide live coverage of an event as it/after it happens. Also members of the public can send in pictures and video footage that they have taken and it can be used if needed.

The internet is also a good source for news. It provides images, videos and regular live updates. It is also a good source as you can find media coverage of stories from any country in the world. You can also view the leading stories of papers from any other country. Mobile phones also have access to the internet which is a good way of keeping up-to-date even if you don’t have access to radio or television. Radio is also a good way to provide live news updates with radio stations such as 96fm providing hourly news programmes and updates are provided at certain intervals throughout the hour. Most mobile phones and mp3 players also have built in radios so like the internet, radio access is now readily available.

If all of these types of media coverage were available when this 1922 story was being covered I believe that the story would have been made into a bigger story. While I don’t know how big the story was at the time and I am not aware as to the publics reaction to the story at the time I think that if there was more of a coverage then more people would have known about the incident. RTE news could cover the story and give a profile picture of the reporter just like the newspapers could spread a picture of the reporter across their front page. This is something which I noticed from the older papers I looked through in that they never had any pictures and the pages were packed full of stories so no one story stood out. The public could also be informed on some history of the reporter, articles he had written etc. There could also be comments from co-workers, they could appear in vox pop style in a newspaper article or in person on a news program. Also if a video of the kidnapped journalist was released by the kidnappers which has been the case in many recent kidnappings then it could be shown on television.

These are just some of the ways that the story would be covered differently. I think the main difference that modern coverage would make to the incident is that it would be more widely covered.

In the case of my recent story I think that the main difference if it was to happen back in 1922 would be the lack of coverage. This story involved an Italian Journalist kidnapped by the Taliban. This is in itself a very prominent and important international story but with the lack of resources such as the television back in 1922 I think that if the incident occurred at this time that people in Ireland would probably not hear about it. It would be covered in Italy for obvious reasons in that it concerned an Italian journalist but I don’t really think that it would be covered any where else in the world. The only way that it might have been heard about in Ireland is perhaps by word of mouth. By someone who was visiting Italy who heard about it and came back to Ireland and told people but even at that word of mouth only travels so far and it is unlikely it would influence any newspaper coverage. Modern technology is what makes stories what they are. Without all the resources which I have already covered and explained most stories would not make the papers. Also if this incident took place in 1922 and happened to be reported by the papers it would be considered less important than local or national stories and readers probably wouldn’t wait until the next day for an update. With television you only have to wait a few hours at most and you are updated if anything happens. It is a way to keep people interested in the story. Internet was also very important in the reporting of this story when I was looking up information on this I was able to look at the reporting of the story from the point of view of several newspapers and news stations from The Irish Examiner to CBS and even to the Kuwait News Agency. In 1922 the resources would not have been available to do this.

I have explained my reasons for choosing these two stories. I have also looked at the many different media resources available for the reporting of news stories; I believe that these resources alone show the how much media reporting has changed. I have looked at how the 1922 abduction of Mr Kay would be reported differently if it were to happen today and how the recent kidnapping of Italian Journalist Daniele Mastrogiacomo would be reported if it were to happen back in 1922. These two incidents have highlighted for me the importance of all the media resources we have today and how much they are used to cover a story.

Title

Write and essay of 1,500 words commenting on at least two important changes in Irish Society over the last 40 years. Use evidence that you have studied in the readings and lectures in this course.

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There have been many changes in the past 40 years. One change that I am going to focus on is the change in the role of women and the impact that this has had on the family and on society in general. I will also look at the effect that these changes have had on the rate of suicide in society. I will do this by examining the different types of suicide and the causes of suicide. I will also use a popular case study of anomic suicide to illustrate this.

The change in the role of women has primarily had an influence on the family. Traditionally women used to be the ones who had the children and cleaned the house whilst the men would work to make the money to support the family and they would also be the ones who would make all the decisions about how the money was spent in the family. In the past there was one main type of family that was, the extended family. This type of family “consists of parents and their children plus other relatives such as grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc. living with them or very close to each other. It usually consists of two generations, the parents, the son and his wife and their children and his unmarried brothers and sisters”. (McDonald, B. 2006. p65).

Whilst this was seen to be the norm in the past this has changed significantly in the past 40 years. Today there are many different types of family including single parent families which are formed when the parents are separated or divorced. This type of family can also be seen in cases where one partner is widowed.

Another type of family is the nuclear family. This family consists of two parents living with their own children and living separate from the extended family. Whilst it is seen by some that single parent families come under this type of family I believe that they exist separate in society for the reason that there are different impacts on a family where one person is left to control the family. These burdens can affect the financial stability of the family where one parent is left to financially provide for the family.

A different type of family which can be seen commonly in modern society is the reconstructed family. This consists of people who have been in other marriages or relationships and have separated and formed a new family. This type of family has been greatly influenced by the divorce act which was granted in 1997. This gave the right to couples to legally separate. This gave the ability to people to escape from marriages that they were not happy in. Before this people would stay in the marriage “for the sake of the family”. Between the years 1997 and 2001 “10,182 divorces were granted in the Circuit Court”. (McDonald, B. 2006. P72).This has of course influenced the emergence of the reconstructed family.

The changes that have been seen in the types of family that are now seen in society have heavily influenced the changing role of women in society. Statistics have shown that in recent years the percentage of women in the workforce has increased significantly while that of men in the workforce has been seen to have declined. “Since the 1960’s employment rates for men have gradually fallen to reach 79 per cent of the working-age population in 1999, in contrast to this the percentage of women working has risen to 69% in the same year.” (Macionis J, and Plummer K. 2005. p367). In the past for women working was not seen to be the norm. Women often worked for poorer wages and job insecurity was higher. In Ireland women were not allowed to work in job sectors such as teaching after having children. This has changed drastically in recent years as has to be seen by the above statistics. In many cases both parents work to support the family and share household tasks and minding the children. The employment equality act which was first introduced to Ireland in 1977 prohibits women to be discriminated against on the base of gender and also calls for equal pay and rights in the workplace. According to Giddens there are still inequalities within the workforce and being a working mother can influence ones career objectives. “One of the major factors influencing women’s careers is the male perception that for female employees, work comes second to having children.”( Giddens, A. 2006.p217  )

The change in the role of women combined with the changes in society has also had an effect on the rate of suicide in the country. According to the website for The Irish Association of Suiciology (www.ias.ie) there were a total of 282 suicides in 2005. The rate of suicide amongst men is also seen to be a lot higher than that amongst women. According to IAS in 2005 there were 232 suicides amongst men compared to 50 amongst women. Men also can feel isolated when women are seen to be equal to them. Because of the equality laws for women men have been known to feel that they are no longer dominant and that their masculinity is threatened.

There are four main types of suicide. Altruistic, Anomic, Egoistic and Fatalistic. Altruistic society was seen more in the past than in modern days. An example of such type is ‘the suicide of elderly tribespeople when they became a burden in times of scarcity.’’ (Keohane, C and C, Kuhling. 2004. P56.) It is also seen in cases wherepeople kill themselves for greater good of the group.

Fatalistic suicide is also less common in modern times. It is when people kill themselves to get out of situations such as arranged marriages.Egoistic suicide is different again in that it is caused by the “extent to which people are individuated in society’’ (Keohane, C and C, Kuhling. 2004. P58). It is commonly seen amongst rock stars and celebrities.

While these three types can be seen in society it is anomic suicide which has been most prevalent in recent years. This type of suicide is most commonly seen when a person feels like they don’t belong in a group or society. It is often known to be caused when a person under-goes a sudden life change. This can be anything from the break-down of a marriage to the loss of a job. One such case where this has been seen is the case of Alan O’Doherty. This case which made the news earlier last year publicised the fact that a sudden change in society can influence an individual to commit suicide. Alan moved from his home town of Donegal to live in London. He had a good life and job in London. The young man was gay but this aside he felt like he belonged in the society in which he lived in London and had many friends and enjoyed his life in the community. While he felt like he fit in to the society he always felt homesick and longed to return home. After the breakdown of a relationship Alan did return to his small community in Buncranna and after only being there a short period of time he noticed that his life wasn’t like that of the one he had in London. He felt isolated in his community and felt like he didn’t belong because of his sexual orientation. Some months later he took his own life. Alan’s family have spoken out to spread the awareness of suicide and have told the story of Alan with the aim of helping others. It was this small community lifestyle that was the barrier to Alan living the life that he wanted and it was the transition from the big city life in London to the small rural community of Buncranna that is known to have caused him to take his own life. (Case notes taken from lecture notes by Kieran Keohane UCC 2005).

Situations like this one can also be caused by the change from mechanical to organic society. In the past there was no individualism and the society was seen to be a traditional one that was focused on mechanical solidarity. People worked the same jobs and lived standardised lives. “There were no undifferentiated divisions of labour.” (Keohane, C and C, Kuhling. 2004 p 59) People did not know any different than what they were used to.

Many factors including the media have influenced this changed into a society based on organic solidarity. That is seen in the way that people can be individual: one can work many different jobs and live their own individual life. This can be seen to leave some people feeling isolated. The change occurs quite rapidly and did leave people wondering what had happened and what caused this sudden change of lifestyle. According to Kieran Keohane “This process of change accelerated even more in the 1990’s due to the economic boom, but vestiges of traditional community co-exist uneasily and often collide with forms of life characteristic of modern society’’. (Keohane, C and C, Kuhling. 2004. P58).

I have looked at the many changes that have occurred within Irish society during the past 40 years. Whilst I have concentrated on changes within the family and also the rate of suicide I have also looked at many other issues. These have included gender equality within the work force, the changing role of women in society, the divorce rates in Ireland and also the change of the country from being one that was based on mechanical solidarity to being one that is now primarily influenced by organic solidarity.

An Adaptation of the short story Nineteen Fifty-five by Alice Walker.

Written for English Literature 1.

Short Story Assignment – Nineteen Fifty-Five.

1955.

It all started when I was just 18. I was finished school and the local deacon brought me to see some lady in to get one of her songs. After hearing me sing the previous week he was convinced that I could be famous and that all I needed were these songs.

We rolled up to her house in a brand new red Thunderbird convertible. We passed the house a few times, I was nervous and wanted to make sure that it was the right house. I thought that waiting would help settle my nerves but it only made them worse.

We walked up to the door and an old lady answered, well maybe not old but to me she seemed old. I couldn’t speak I just stood there. The woman looked scared at first. She thought we were selling stuff. Her name was Gracie after a while we went into the house. I went over to the television and turned the volume up, I don’t know why I did this I guess I just wanted to make myself look busy.

The deacon started talking to Gracie. He was asking her about some of her songs. He told her that I loved her songs. She looked at me I didn’t know what to do I just blinked and mumbled a few words and from the look on her face I don’t think she understood me. The deacon offered her some money then, he only offered her five hundred dollars. Not much where I come from but she seemed happy with it, it was as if that money would make a big difference to her live and as I was to learn it would but not as big a difference as those songs were going to make to mine. We were just leaving when the deacon remembered something. He insisted that we go back. I didn’t want to but of course like the previous time I didn’t have much say in it. Gracie opened the door, she looked a bit shocked, but she just commented on one of us forgetting our hat. He wanted to buy all her records as well. I didn’t know why and Gracie seemed pretty shocked. But I guess he had his reasons. She wanted more money for them and the Deacon gave her all the money she wanted and promised her money for loyalties as well. She got a good deal and I don’t think she could have asked for any more. Then we left and thankfully this time there was no going back. I am sure that Gracie must have been laughing at me. A kid trying to sing her songs, she must have been laughing.

1956.

In the following weeks the Deacon worked with me on those songs. He wanted me to sing them just the way that Gracie did. I had to copy everything about how she sang the song. It was as if I was supposed to pretend I was her. I had to get everything exactly the same as her. It took up all my time. Finally I was ready, well I didn’t think I was but the Deacon thought I was. He had organised for me to go on television. He had set up a group of little screaming girls as well. They were meant to be my fans. I didn’t even know I had fans. I was just hoping that Gracie did not hear me doing her song like that. I didn’t want her getting upset. In the following weeks we didn’t have to hire fans I had my own. The song was a huge hit I was famous everyone loved me.

1957.

The song was out on record just in time for Christmas. We noted that the song was written my Gracie on the cover but I really don’t think that anyone noticed that. It wasn’t her song, it was my song now. I didn’t feel right singing her songs and being all famous for something that wasn’t even mine. I didn’t even know what her songs were supposed to be about. I just couldn’t sing them without thinking about what they meant. I was tired of everything. I kept thinking about what I was singing but I couldn’t make sense of it. What did these words mean? There had to be some meaning behind the words. A couple of weeks and I had worn myself out thinking. I knew I couldn’t figure out the meanings so I thought I would go and see Gracie. I was still nervous visiting her this time not like the first time though, this was a different type of fear. I was afraid she had heard me singing her songs and that she would be angry. Her family played my song. I guess they just thought it was cool having some kind of celebrity in their house. But I didn’t want to hear that song. It had become a nightmare for me to hear. I just couldn’t stop thinking about its meaning; I was making so much money out of something I didn’t even feel I deserved to own. I asked Gracie what it meant I knew that was the only way that I would ever know. I thought that maybe if she told me that I would be able to sing it again. I would be able to make it my own again. I asked her what it meant but all she said was “whatchumean, what do it mean? It mean what it says”. I just looked at her I had expected an answer. I thought I would finally know the meaning but that’s all she said. I kept staring at her I was disappointed. I thought that maybe she was just pretending to not know and that she would tell me any moment but then she said that it was just a song and that the words didn’t mean anything. I knew then that she wasn’t going to tell me. I could tell that she knew I was disappointed. I had gotten her a car a nice new purple Cadillac I thought it was the least I could do considering how much money I was making singing her songs. She seemed really happy with it. It felt good to give her something back.

1960.

Shortly after that I was drafted into the army. I suppose being a famous singer doesn’t get you out of fighting for your country. I was sent to Germany and I while I was there I had a lot of time to think about the songs. I kept thinking about the meanings of them. I knew Gracie told me that they didn’t have any meaning but I just couldn’t help but think that maybe she just wasn’t telling me.

I had some time to myself while I was there. Back home I didn’t have much free time; the fame had sort of taken over my whole life. I spent a lot of time writing to Gracie, I sent her a few things that I thought she would like. I sent her some food and a self-cleaning oven. I thought that it might make her life better. But she begged me not to send her more. She seemed like a really happy person. She didn’t need money or a mink coat. She had her family and husband. She has people that care about her. She has nothing to worry about. I envy her I really do. I have all I want, I can have anything that money can buy but I am not happy. I am gaining weight. I’m eating too much. I know it is because I am not happy and I still don’t know the meaning of her songs. I asked her again but now I’m beginning to think that maybe she doesn’t even know what they mean either.

1968.

I didn’t see Gracie for about eight or nine years after that. Life just seemed so busy back then. Then one day I went to see her. She had gotten old and fat. J.T. had died and she was now with some other guy Horace I think his name was. The weight wasn’t much to complain about it made her look good. It made her look distinguished. I wish I could have said the same about myself. I had grown lazy over the years. I had all I could have ever wanted and all I could eat. I didn’t care much about my looks any more. I wanted to ask Gracie to dinner. All those years and I still didn’t feel like I had repaid her for all she had given me. Sure she had only given me her songs but they were everything to me. They were the reason for my fame and the reason I had all that I had. We talked for a while and I told her that I knew everything about her past. I’m sure she had already guessed but I wanted to be honest to her. I told her about my failed marriages. They never did last long. I think they just wanted my money and as I know now money cannot buy happiness.

When Gracie came over to my house for dinner I wanted to offer her a house but she wasn’t having any of it. I don’t know why but I still felt like I owed her. Maybe it was for the songs or maybe it was because part of me still thought that she would someday tell me what her songs meant. She didn’t want a house though. I would have liked to live my life like Gracie. She treasured the little things like family and although she didn’t have wealth she was still happy. I respected her for that. She was more than I could ever be. I talked to her about my fans. I talked to her about what I thought about them. “They want what you got but they don’t want you. They want what I got only it a’int mine. That’s what makes ‘em so hungry for me when I say. They getting the flavour of something but they aint getting the thing itself. They like a pack of hound dogs trying to gobble up a scent.” She seemed to understand what I was saying. I wanted to tell everyone that it was her that wrote the songs. Of course they already knew but I wanted them to hear her and to hear the real voice behind those songs. I was tired of all the pretending, of all the trying to understand songs that weren’t mine. I invited her on the Johnny Carson show I thought that if the people heard her sing that they would like her.

A few weeks later we went on the show. The audience heard her sing but they didn’t like her. It was like they were trying to pretend to like her but they didn’t.

I blamed myself. What had I created, she did not deserve this. I was no better than her. Sure I was young once and good looking but now I didn’t care about myself. I’d put on a lot of weight and didn’t respect myself any more. I was eating because I was unhappy and I was unhappy because I was eating so much.

1977.

It has been a few years since I have last spoken to Gracie. I have given up in trying to understand the lyrics. I have given up hope in everything. I don’t care any more. People don’t care that she is the real star. She is the one that should have sung those songs. I got the money and the fame she got the family and the happiness. I would do anything to swap my life for hers. I just cannot understand why people still like me. I don’t even like myself. I can’t bare to listen to myself sing. Those songs are not mine they have caused more hurt than good. I just want to know what they are about but I accept now that I will never be happy. I will never be the young 18 year old I was once. I wish that the Deacon never bought me those songs. He thought he was buying me happiness, he was instead guaranteeing me to be miserable for the rest of my life.

Money cannot buy happiness and after all these years I now know that. One day this is going to be a pitiful country, I thought.